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Funny reasons not to get a massage
Funny Reasons Not To Get a Massage

Funny Reasons Not To Get a Massage

I typed into ChatGPT for funny reasons not to get a massage. The response (with my comments in Italics) ….. You might find yourself uncontrollably snoring like a chainsaw, embarrassing both you and the massage therapist. (nb massage therapists don’t care) Your muscles might enjoy the massage so much that they decide to unionize and demand regular spa treatments, leaving you broke. (could be a problem…) You could accidentally invent a new form of interpretive dance while trying to gracefully…

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Massage speak
Things Massage Therapists Say That Would Get Them Fired If They Worked Somewhere Else

Things Massage Therapists Say That Would Get Them Fired If They Worked Somewhere Else

A Facebook poster recently posed the question in a massage humour group “What is something that you said today at work that if you worked someplace different would get you fired?“ As a disclaimer for the masssage industry, many of the answers below are from therapists to clients (or between therapists) where there is an established relationship so more casual than for a first professional interaction. “Can I touch your butt?” Damn, you got a tight butt!Hey you wanna stick…

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massage and wrestling
Describing what massage is….badly

Describing what massage is….badly

Recently a Facebook poster asked the question of the massage profession “how would you explain massage…badly” Needless to say many of the responses were very good and an edited selection is listed below under the various categories. Gratuitous Violence I get paid to beat people up.People pay me to beat them up with my elbows.I torture people until they feel better.People ask me to hurt them.I get paid to make people scream and moan…and they thank me after. Naked (and…

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weird massage
Weird Massages

Weird Massages

When trying to think of a topic to include in my blog, I thought of some of the weird massages I’ve given. There have been times when I’ve finished a massage and wondered “WTF just happened?” Now, to be honest these have been few and far between. Most of the Sydney home massages I’ve provided over the years have gone very smoothly. But occasionally someone has some, what I would consider, unusual ideas about how the massage could proceed. However,…

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You know you’re a massage therapist when….

You know you’re a massage therapist when….

A recent Facebook post on a massage therapist group asked the question “You know you’re a massage therapist when…..” Now probably the majority of the answers are in-jokes for massage therapists but still…some of them are quite funny. You know you’re a massage therapist when… You automatically wash your hands up to elbows You come home and shower the people germs off You don’t think that rubbing oil into naked strangers bodies is at all weird You notice complete strangers’…

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when massage is not perfect
Murphy’s Laws for Mobile Massage Therapists

Murphy’s Laws for Mobile Massage Therapists

I have been a Sydney mobile massage therapist for over ten years and would like to put down some of my experiences in the form of the “The Rules of Being a Mobile Massage Therapist”. Please note that these comments are very much tongue in cheek. For my real feelings about being a mobile massage therapist then check out https://www.richardlanemassage.com.au/blog/advantages-of-being-a-mobile-massage-therapist/ Rule 1 If I am booked to work in a unit block without a lift then without fail the client…

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Sydney Mobile Massage Booking
Funny Massage Story #3

Funny Massage Story #3

Just a short story this time. Received booking from a wife as a surprise for her husband as he had been working hard and was generally fairly stressed. The appointment was scheduled for 8pm on a Sunday night. I arrive and knock at the designated time and hubbie answers the door in a dressing gown. And a very crest fallen look on his face. Turns out his wife had put the kids to bed early and told him to go…

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massage records and claims to fame
Mobile Massage Records

Mobile Massage Records

I’m sure most massage therapists would have “claims to fame” at one stage or another during their massage careers. The following is a list of my mobile massage “records”and “claims to fame” although I suspect some of them would have been bettered by other therapists. Most locations visited to see same client – 6 Most generations massaged within one session – 3 Largest age gap between clients massaged in the same week – 94 (100 yr old and 6 yr…

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when massage is not perfect
Massage – My Pet Dislikes

Massage – My Pet Dislikes

Not that we are biased but receiving massage is wonderful ….. or should be wonderful. However occasionally there are times when the massage therapist is not tuned in to the desires and needs of the massage recipient. Sometimes an hour on the table can seem last an eternity. Fortunately these times are the exception and not the rule. This article lists a few of the things that we don’t particularly enjoy when receiving a massage. 1. When an hour is…

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turning the (massage) tables
Surprise Massage – Part 2

Surprise Massage – Part 2

I recently wrote a post about how I’m not a great lover of turning up to provide a surprise massage to an unsuspecting recipient, www.richardlanemassage.com.au/blog/the-surprise-massage. There is an inherent risk that the person may not be as receptive to receiving a massage as the person booking the massage might have anticipated. However, I will recount a situation where a surpise massage did work. The unsuspecting “victim” of the surprise massage in this case was actually a massage therapist. Their partner…

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