Murphy’s Laws for Mobile Massage Therapists

Murphy’s Laws for Mobile Massage Therapists

I have been a Sydney mobile massage therapist for over ten years and would like to put down some of my experiences in the form of the
“The Rules of Being a Mobile Massage Therapist”.

Please note that these comments are very much tongue in cheek. For my real feelings about being a mobile massage therapist then check out

Rule 1
If I am booked to work in a unit block without a lift then without fail the client will live on the top floor. Happens…..every…..time (but at least I get a little bit of cardio exercise carrying my gear up and down the stairs).

Rule 2
If it is raining then there will be no room to park in the client’s driveway and nearby street parking will be at premium.

Rule 3
(On a similar note) If I am working in a suburb where I know that parking is tricky the client will invariably say “oh I always get a park with no problems”. Different story when I’m there……

Rule 4
If the client has a cat in the room then the cat will jump on the table at the precise moment when the client starts to nod off. Dogs like to lick oil off clients arms.

Rule 5
If I am running just a little late then traffic will be particularly heavy.
Rule 5a
If I am early then I will get a dream run.

Rule 6
If the clients house is on the largish size then invariably you will be in the smallest room (not that that is necessarily a bad thing with respect to privacy/peace and quiet but if there are limitations on how easily I can get around the table then it can impact how I give my massage).

Rule 7
In winter I often suggest that the client crank up the heating as a massage room does need to be warm. The client says no (mainly because they are concerned that I will get too hot) then invariably they will mention at the end of the massage
“yes, I should have put the heating up”.

Rule 8
(For a post-natal massage) If there is a baby that has just gone down to sleep then it will wake up 10-15 minutes into the massage. Or if hubbie is looking after bub then there will be an issue arise that only mum can solve.

Rule 9
If giving a massage to a couple one after the other then if the guy goes first the woman will set up the space beautifully with candles and relaxing music. When it’s her turn the guy will watch football or a violent movie or talk loudly on the phone.

Rule 10
If I am giving a couples massage with another therapist in a room where the space is limited then the other therapist and I will both want the same space in the room at the same time. Also if the client I am working on really likes to chill out with absolute quiet then the therapist I am working with will find copious reasons to engage in conversation with their client.

Rule 11
If the client is playing music that is not to my taste then they will sleep blissfully through it whist I suffer (true story, client slept for virtually entire massage whilst hard-core offensive gangster rap was blaring out).

If you have any other suggestions then please feel free to add them to the comments.

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