I typed into ChatGPT for funny reasons not to get a massage.
The response (with my comments in Italics) …..
You might find yourself uncontrollably snoring like a chainsaw, embarrassing both you and the massage therapist. (nb massage therapists don’t care)
Your muscles might enjoy the massage so much that they decide to unionize and demand regular spa treatments, leaving you broke. (could be a problem…)
You could accidentally invent a new form of interpretive dance while trying to gracefully dismount the massage table (that I’d like to see)
Your pet cat might get jealous of all the attention you’re getting and stage a protest, refusing to cuddle with you ever again (explains why they invariably jump up on table during home massage)
You might startle the massage therapist with your unpredictable reaction to ticklish spots, resulting in a massage that resembles a wrestling match more than a relaxing experience (if you know you are ticklish in particular areas then just let the therapist know before so that they can be forewarned impending Wrestlemania).
Your inner sloth might awaken during the massage and refuse to go back to sleep, leading to a lifelong battle for control of your body. (this could definitely be a problem although I tend to find your outer sloths are pretty good at soporific behaviour on my table)
You might discover that your feet have secret identities and refuse to cooperate unless addressed by their chosen superhero names. (mine are Arch Avenger and Big Toe Bruiser FYI)
You might accidentally release all your pent-up emotions in a flood of tears, turning the massage room into a makeshift therapy session. (This can occasionally happen but no reason not to get a massage – a massage room should be a safe space for you)
Your muscles might decide to play hide-and-seek during the massage, leaving the massage therapist confused and you feeling like a human puzzle. (Challenge Accepted!)
You might experience an existential crisis upon realizing that you’re not actually a human, but just a highly evolved noodle in need of kneading. (Discounts available for noodles – please call me on 0434 631 987 and we can discuss)